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Make Love, not War

I heard someone saying “Enlightenment means there is no difference between Inside and Outside”.

When I am in fluidity, expansion and deep stillness I can feel this.

We are all moving towards a ‘We are One’ consciousness.

Yet sometimes I still find myself more at war with people than in love, reacting to difficult, irritating behavior and emotions in others.

To be able to hold a ‘Peaceful state of Oneness’ I have been learning how to master my negative Ego, silencing my anxious mind and healing my pain body.

I can reach my core of light, peeling off tension and layers of negativity, and root into the un-manifested, accepting and loving creation around me as it is. I become the sea and flow with each wave around me.

And of course, having done that, the universe comes to test me with a couple of really annoying situations with people, filled with tense negative energy, such as anger and hurt.

Have you ever had that? And how do you deal with it? Do you choose a loving response or do you fight back, stopping what you perceive is hurting and abusive? This world is full of abuse, we abuse the air we pollute and the earth we exploit, we are abused by social conditioning and we are not respected even within our most intimate relationships. We react, judge and hold a lot of tension in our bodies.

Recently, after an ecstatic break-through in a Life Alignment seminar, I found myself in a few situations of conflict. After mastering my ego the universe tested if I was able to deal with the ego of others. My inner peace and state of oneness were blown in an instant by anger and hurt towards other people. And I observed a few things.

The first insight is about the mechanism of the shadow, by which if I cannot deal with the negative energy of another person, it means I cannot deal with a similar energy in me. If the negative ego and pain body of another provokes my reaction, it means I am not detached and I hurt somehow, as the situation is touching my own ego and pain body.

The second insight is that fighting is very tiring and creates a lot of tension. When we react to people’s behavior, we not only create our own negative emotions, but we also allow other people’s negative energy in. In a sense we accept their karma, our soul gets bound to them, energetically we join and fuel the same low level vibration. We hurt ourselves even more.

So how did I regain mastery in the face of these conflicts? Well, I removed myself from the direct conflict to regain a calm state and then I started my reflection. These are my conclusions.

Discerning instead of judging.

When I react to someone hurting me there is always a judgment. I react because I want them to be different, to behave and think differently, according to my different standards. And by deciding what is good and what is bad I only create more separation. Discernment is about looking deeply into the motivations and reality of other people involved. People live at different levels of consciousness, playing different roles and pursuing different goals with different styles. The world is a stage where everybody plays a different part. We do not want people to be like us, we want instead to respect them and be respected. Every creature has a divine spark and wants to actualize. There is no hierarchy, is a rose superior to a cactus?

Discernment is recognizing the core of light in the other person and if possible, helping her to overcome those negative sabotaging behaviors and thought patterns covering it. People are doing the best they can, they are learning to master their Ego as you are. Intend to stop their ego attacks in a firm kind way, as you would do with your own ego attacking yourself. As a teacher told me once: how can I honor something in you that doesn’t honor yourself? And if this is not possible, detach yourself. Einstein said you cannot deal with the problem from the same level it has been created.

Owning your shadow.

Guess what my shadow is with all this anger and conflict? It’s my dark side of course, my disowned aggressive energy, the fear of my destructive power. This raw wild energy, fiery kundalini, rooted in a very material dimension, is indeed a highly creative energy. It helps me to be assertive, it gives me the power of making things happen, standing my ground and daring to be my own person. Like in the archetype of the warrior I am focused, determined, with a strong sense of self.

My fear is that I won’t be able to handle this fiery energy, that I will actually hurt and abuse people. So I suppress it, exhausting myself in doing so, and it doesn’t work anyway as it comes up as shadow around me. When I disown this energy I often go into its opposite, into vulnerability, self-deprecation and victimhood. This side has also its positive aspects of selflessness, humility and a positive vulnerability, which allows me to be open and receive.

I need both, earth energy rising up the spine to move me, and the vulnerability to receive love from the universe.The shadow always moves around opposite poles. Embracing the opposites is love: I am whole, I am all of it and I am a good person.

Healing the heart-break.

Often conflicts affect the heart chakra, our social identity, how we relate with other people. The heart chakra is self love and love for the other. Love is about unconditional acceptance of all of ourselves. We embrace here all opposites, light and dark. We learn to love our shadow.

If a situation is causing you hurt, if you cannot discern what is happening and keep your detachment, you need to look within. Look into your shadow. By understanding the hurt, recognizing the pattern, you will be able to accept it and ultimately let go of it. We need to let it out of our body as it is blocking our energy and preventing us to receive the love and guidance from our soul.

Let go of the hurt, of the heartbreak. Allow the madness of your thoughts, all of them. Then let go of them. Now let go of the emotion, the hurt in your body, imagine it flowing out, as this is blocking the receiving. Only when you are a clear channel you can receive the energy of your soul. Only by letting go of your hurt you can really embrace forgiveness and love.

Responding not reacting.

Reacting leads to abuse and the war never ends. We remain stuck in the paradigm victim-abuser-rescuer. It’s the same energy, the same emotional entanglement. The victim blames external circumstances, becoming even more powerless and attracting more abuse. Or she can react with aggressiveness and become an abuser herself. The abuser becomes a victim when attracting negative reactions. Rescuers may think they act out of love but in reality they become entangled, by projecting their own victim shadow. And so on. In each of the three positions, the same emotional energy: war, fight or flight, reactivity.

The important thing is to maintain a calm vibration. The priority is inner peace, and acceptance of what is and when possible love. Because it feels better, doesn’t it? We do not want to choose more suffering for ourselves, to hurt our own body. If we choose not to take things personally, we can move beyond our hurting ego into a higher perspective.

A high discerning mind gives us detachment so that we can go back to our peaceful centre. Then we can find the right actions and words to de-escalate the conflict. As a master said “Keep your mind in the light” A light mind keeps my heart light, so that it can transmit a calming vibration in the world around.

And I am not saying to ignore the abuse. I am saying I want to choose awareness and I want to avoid creating more tension and suffering. From a place of detachment I can help. I can for example choose the tactic Gandhi used of ‘Non violent non cooperation’ or Thick Nah Han’s ‘Loving speech’. Or if a sharp action is needed to stop the abuse, this will be clean and as little invasive as possible. Ultimately I have a choice to remove myself from the situation, at least energetically.

So how to end this blog? What about a little hope? This world is possible and it is happening right now:

A world of Love

A world of We are One

A world of Respect

A world of I am my Divine Self

A world of Freedom




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You can also book a 30 min free consultation, to assess your needs.


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