How to heal the ‘You Don’t Love Me’ story

So many heartbreaks mark our existence.

‘You don’t love me’ is projected onto family, friends, lovers, teachers, colleagues, clients, followers, organisations, the government…

And when we scream out our ‘you don’t love me’, the universe reflects them all back!

The grief or the heavy heart is undeniable and difficult to shift.

Positive thinking does not always help, nor does breathing out the negative feelings.

I often speak about connecting to our Deep Self, the ‘I am presence of Love’, which heals everything and brings peace.

However, we also need to consider our human condition.

Eckhart Tolle discusses Form identity and Essence identity, the first being our Personality and the latter our Divine Self.

In my experience, if we do not heal the personality, our spiritual essence cannot emerge, and the two dimensions remain painfully separated.

‘If your humanity overflows, divinity will come in search of you’. Sadhguru

From my own healing and from observing others' work, I have found out that the key is Awareness.

Let me tell you a story.

I have always loved my father deeply, a love beyond time, pure in its nature.

Shock came when a teacher told me in my early thirties: ‘Father energy is missing from your energy field’. Over time, I realised that the teacher was right.

My father, a surgeon, had always been fully absorbed in his work and studies, and he left all the educational responsibilities to my mother.

Along with feeling deep down abandoned and unloved, I didn't receive the male leadership education I needed to become an independent adult in every aspect.

My coping mechanism had been to seek love, guidance and approval outside myself, in romantic relationships and in my work projects.

Was it true that my father didn’t love me? No, it was not true. My father loved me profoundly; I can feel it. His love was innocent and pure.

However, when I realised, through a meditation, that he was still holding my child in his arms, awareness hit me: I had never truly grown up!

As an adult, I developed a tendency to seek guidance, approval, and ultimately love from others or external situations. When that validation failed to arrive, I felt heartbroken, telling myself I was unlovable and unworthy, or projecting the message ‘You don’t love me’ outward.

In my meditation, it took courage to ask my father for my child back, and in this way, to start nurturing myself with love, and reclaim my power to lead my life with focus, determination, and confidence.

During the process, I had to grieve slowly, letting feelings of being abandoned and unloved surface and heal. However, I also gained my freedom and independence, as I learned to source Love and Guidance from within.